We are past Mother's Day on the calendar, but it takes more than cards, flowers, and eating out (in normal times) to give our partners the appreciation for all they do each and every day. Mark your calendars for our fathers’ support group as we talk about appreciation and gratitude, especially for our partners this coming Saturday, May 15, at 11:00 Eastern Daylight Time. Our group is distinctively diverse by race and faith traditions and united by our love and commitment to our family members on the autism spectrum. We have supported each other and bonded through the COVID-19 pandemic. We have a core of regular members and visitors, Black, White, Hispanic, Asian, and Middle Eastern, from far and wide across the country and the globe. No surprise that many of our members got to us through their female partners who wanted us to speak up and put our feelings and experiences into words.
This Saturday, we will do that along with whatever else is coming up as our communities slowly open up to an uncertain new normal. At the end of the day, we're just guys so we always want to know what to do. It's through actions that we show our love, so here are few tips in the form of an action plan ahead of our meeting and for those of you who cannot attend:
Talk to her. Tell your partner how much you appreciate her and everything she does for your family. Be specific about all the wonderful things she does and how hard she tries.
Be present and available. Don’t do something. Don’t make suggestions. Just be there. Volunteer to just listen to how she feels.
Be curious. Ask what you can do to make her job easier and thereby be the right kind of help.
Be consistent. Gently and persistently keep asking and showing up to do stuff.
This is how to be a good man in your situation. Help her to take a breath, literally and figuratively. Let her know that she is indispensable. Finally, remember one of the most important things a father can do for his children is to love their mother. No one can do a better job for your family. As Maya Angelou wrote, "To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow."
On May 15 via Zoom, we will humbly take stock of lessons learned, the challenges before us, and the lives we want as we transition as a society from the public health emergency to whatever lies ahead. At the end of the day, we’re guys trying to help each other do the right thing.
Wishing you safety and peace!
Michael Hannon and Robert Naseef
For more information to attend the group, contact AutismInsitute@drexel.edu