It was a heartwarming viral moment that many will never forget. As the father of an adult son with autism who is nonspeaking, it struck a deep chord in me. Most men have grown up with the maxim that “Big Boys Don’t Cry.” Breaking that traditional masculine model with exuberant cheers and tears of joy, Gus Walz gave his dad a standing ovation, shouting “That’s my dad!” A healthy model of masculinity was displayed before the world. The whole Walz family, along with millions of us, embraced Gus-an obviously neurodivergent teenager.
Tim and Gus were not restrained by what William Pollack, PhD, has called the “gender straitjacket” that locks down boys and men from expressing the tender side of their emotions. The moment transcended politics and touched the full range of the human heart. The traditional model relegates anger as the primary socially acceptable emotion for boys and men. In contrast, anger is socially unacceptable for girls and women. This is a toxic effect of the gender straitjacket on human society. The potential for change exists, but is so far not different enough from when I was growing up in the 1950s and 1960s.
Gus Walz has an advantage because he is neurodivergent and capable of expressing himself authentically in the moment. His parents told People that he was different from his peers and "Gus preferred video games and spending more time by himself." By his teen years, he was diagnosed with non-verbal learning disorder, anxiety, and ADHD. His parents also shared, "It took time, but what became so immediately clear to us was that Gus’ condition is not a setback — it’s his secret power." As his heart overflowed with pride and joy at what his father was speaking about at the Democratic National Convention, he wasn't concerned about what people would think. This reminds me of how my son in his 40s will still hold my hand when we go for a walk in the park or put his head on my shoulder when watching cartoons on the sofa. I'm guessing from my own lived experience, that Gus has taught his father a few things about what it means to be human.
Besides pride and joy, Gus’ display of emotion also evoked fear and possibly shame outside our bubble in the broader society. Conservative pundit, Ann Coulter mocked Gus’ tears on X (formerly Twitter) alongside a link to an article about Gus Walz getting emotional during his father's speech. This unleashed a torrent of insults on that platform that are frequently used to bully and intimidate people with disabilities. Ableism in its most vile manifestation was evident, but it is part of something bigger and more insidious. Part of the same fear that somehow people who look different, learn differently, pray differently, or love differently threatens humanity as a whole.
Violence on-line and violence around the world, creates horrific situations most especially for children and women. We see that today as wars raging in Palestine, Ukraine, Sudan, and Yemen, and the bulk of the deaths are innocent civilians – mostly children and women. According to Matthew Rycroft’s speech to the UN at the Security Council Open Debate on Children and Armed Conflict, "How a society treats its most vulnerable is always the measure of its humanity." Living in the planet's most prosperous country, we have to do better.
There is much we can learn from Gus Walz’s pride, joy, and tears. The tears and hugs are authentic and healthy. War, racism, homophobia, antisemitism, Islamophobia, transphobia, or other fears that stoke violence toward others are all rooted in insecurity and fear. Boys and men who cannot cry or show compassion to others different than themselves, are not the brave ones. They are the insecure and fearful. The strong ones who have caring feelings toward others can work and fight in a different way. Not through mockery, hurtful words or physical violence. Instead, we can stand strong to demand and work tirelessly for social justice and peace.
Finally, there is another huge issue we must take seriously in this coming election: the relationship between those who insulted and demeaned Gus Walz. Project 2025, the playbook mentioned by Tim Walz in his speech, has been described in numerous places as a policy wish list that vastly expands presidential powers and imposes an ultra-conservative vision on our country. The introduction to this 920 page document has been written by J.D. Vance. It is sponsored by the Heritage Foundation, a leading conservative think tank which opposes abortion and reproductive rights, LGBTQ rights, immigrants’ rights, and racial equity. It lays out a plan for a drastic reorganization of the entire federal government agency by agency. People supporting this document will not be protecting the rights of our children in education.
The document itself, Mandate for Leadership: The Conservative Promise, Project 2025 lays out a plan that threatens the education of children with disabilities as well as those who are economically disadvantaged including:
Eliminating the Office of Head Start, leading to the closure of Head Start programs that serve about 833,000 low-income children yearly.
Converting most of IDEA, which provides half of the cost of special education programs to “no-strings” block grants to states with no oversight as to how that money is spent.
Converting Title 1, which helps children from low-income families with reading and math, to a block grant to states, and phase it out.
Eliminating the Parent PLUS loan program, forcing families to apply for private bank loans which are more difficult to get approved for.
Radically reduce support for public school children by transferring taxpayer dollars to private schools which would exacerbate inequities.
The disability rights movement has been built on the principles of the Civil Rights Movement which include nonviolence and working within institutions to promote liberty and equality for all. Many of us, as adults, do not want these kinds of roll backs, and the many other roll backs proposed in Project 2025. We don’t want to go back. For the sake of our children, we can’t go back.
As Martin Luther King, Jr, said “The time is always right to do what is right.”
VOTE and tell everyone you know how important it is for our children.
References:
Pollack, W. S. (1998). Real boys: rescuing our sons from the myths of boyhood. Chicago / Turabian.
PEOPLE, https://people.com/all-about-tim-walz-son-gus-walz-8699800
Mandate for Leadership: The Conservative Promise, Project 2025; https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/24804857-project-2025?responsive=1&title=1
4 responses to “Real Boys Cry: Gus Walz, Neurodiversity, & Project 2025”
What an awesome and impacting perspective, Bob! Thank you!
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I appreciate all you do for the autism community, Ron! Let’s catch up soon.
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Thanks Robert for your clarity and commitment to our kids and families!
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I appreciate your claity for our autism community as well, Josh! I look forward to our paths crossing again.
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