When our fathers group at the met over Zoom on November 16th, our heads were still reeling from the impact of the presidential election results. We asked the group to think about how the election results might change how we parent our children. Here's a summary of how fathers responded:
Our son who is in college was extremely worried about his future. We assured him that he lives in a blue state and that as his parents they will make sure he is protected.
With two young children with IEPs, the Department of Education being gutted gives us a lot of distress. Our children are marginalized and will be impacted like all kinds of marginalized people.
With two autistic children and myself recently diagnosed, I am still processing what has happened.
With a 5-year-old son just diagnosed in June, the impact on his IEP has me concerned. I hope Elon Musk uses his platform to advocate for children with autism.
With a 32-year-old son living in a group home funded by Medicaid, one father tried to sound a cautiously optimistic tone. With Washington’s history of gridlock the best we can hope for is that nothing will change. With a good chance of gridlock, we won't make progress, so maybe we will be OK with gridlock.
Having a 5-year-old autistic child, it's not sinking in yet. He's asking a lot of questions which force us to have conversations that you never thought you would have to have with a child.
From a religious or moral perspective, these election results have informed us to be kind to people who aren't particularly kind to you. Their position on disabilities is plain as day, but nonetheless we must respond with kindness.
A nine-year-old daughter is asking questions like, “why are these people not nice?” We try to stay in the present despite the real fear of what could happen. We try to stay grounded in what's happening right now and hope for gridlock in a government that's not good at doing much. Maybe humanity can find some path through this.
A community organizer, who is an immigration lawyer, expressed a deep grief for immigrants. Bringing joy and love to his children is what he can do as he keeps showing up to organize.
Our children have a unique ability to sense things when we are in conflict and distressed. It can come out in behavior during this sensitive time in our journey. What our children sense and how we communicate is vital.
My 10-year-old nonspeaking son is pretty oblivious because he is not impacted by elections and political stress. I've stopped watching the news because it creates too much anxiety. There's no more middle ground; you just can't talk about it.
Just focusing on controlling the controllables was the perspective of a father who has friends in both parties. He works with advocacy groups and reflected that nothing was ever easy with any administration for his young adult daughter.
Another election lawyer in the group felt really thrown by the results and is trying to focus on how to resist the rise of fascism which he wasn't thinking about in terms of impact on folks with autism. His wife is interested in moving to another country where she and their children will feel safer.
My nonspeaking son is Black and lives in a group home. His staff is Black, so how can they all be safe?! He himself is innocent; war, racism, sexism, and fascism don't register. He's not worried, but I am.
How can we stay informed without getting overwhelmed? Do we just need Xanax to stay plugged in without getting irate or depressed?
Appreciation was expressed for being able to talk and connect in a peaceful way in our zoom room. Turning off news or doom scrolling feels disconnected, but we are connected here in this group.
Just thinking about my 18-year-old son and his ISP has me on the edge of my seat. I have to stay connected, and I pride myself on being informed.
Another father who is also a psychologist expressed that he is panicked and hasn't been able to sleep restfully. He is concerned for his clients as well as his neurodivergent and marginalized kids. He's been on a media fast and is afraid of being set back 50 years in disability rights.
A European immigrant father spoke up and shared he has noticed so many nice people here in the US. He does service work in Alcoholics Anonymous with people that have problems. When he sees the results of being kind to others, he has faith that we will get through this as he expressed the same fears as the rest of the group.
A father of 7-year-old twin girls shared that every day has been hard, but he hadn't realized so many others here would have the same fears, and he expressed gratitude for this community.
The father of a 7-year-old sees his job to protect and prepare his children for the world that wouldn't love them. The election didn't change anything, and raising Black boys in America may even be more challenging now because he does not know what is coming. He does know his job, and he shares joy and laughter with his children and shows love to his family and friends, which is what he can do.
A father who is very engaged in advocacy at the state level shared how their group is both Democratic and Republican. At their last meeting half were happy and half were unhappy, but they realized that they still needed to work together. He called this the elephant in the room and pointed out that everyone still has the same purpose and responsibilities whether we are happy, sad, or scared about the election results.
Acknowledging the spectrum of emotions has been quite jarring. Our kids are already vulnerable by the able-bodied bias in our world. At times like these, they become more vulnerable especially those who are Queer, Non-binary, Black, or Latinx. There's little doubt these will be challenging times, but this is a time to cast a light on justice and humanity. We will stay true to ourselves and our families. That's who we need to be.
We're just regular fathers of wonderful kids (and adults); they need our advocacy. They needed it before, and they need it now more than ever. The so-called red states have the same percentages of people with disabilities, so it's not crazy to have hope that there will be resistance and change. People like us can help others because we are engaged and in community. Stay with us and we will go forward because we will not give up. We will not concede the lives and wellbeing of our children and families. It's not easy to live with these fears, but together we can stare them down and do our best, one day at a time.
In peace and solidarity,
Robert Naseef and Michael Hannon